Duck Duck Cougar?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
