ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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