he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
