My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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