i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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