Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
