They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
