I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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