there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
