I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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