I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
