finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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