I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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