so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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