last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
