first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
