just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
