Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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