I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
