Moan for me like Helen Keller
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
