you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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