I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
