remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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