why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
