I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
