Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
