Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
