i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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