i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
