Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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