hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
