break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
