can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
