It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
