I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
