Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
