pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
