Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
