**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
