I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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