is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
