Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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