just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
