i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
