I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
