what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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