I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
