Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Less talking, more tequila
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
