My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
