entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
