you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
