That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
