I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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