I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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