First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
